Apr 11, 2021 3:22 AM
at the end of all things feanorians in a sunnyverse
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"...second item of business is impending apocalypses. It appears that the world is regularly threatened by various malicious entities from other ones, or occasional magic rituals which purportedly have the power to collapse dimensions. It seems unlikely that the world has nearly ended a bunch of times and will actually end at some point in the near future, because if the world were that fragile it would probably have ended already, but it's conceivable that we're supposed to be the instrument of the next bunch of thwarted apocalypses. We need to look into it. Also into stabilizing the world so it ceases to be on the brink of apocalypse, but it's unclear how to do that without powerful magic, and powerful magic is item four on the agenda - it's after field experiments because one of the objectives of field experiments should be to get a lot of magical items and spellbooks for research."

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"How many apocalypses -"

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"I've identified twenty-three."

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"Don't take the Lord's name in vain." He points at the spot on the flyer Caranthir handed him where it says this.

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"What am I supposed to say instead?"

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"That's not on the flyer! ...I think if you add 'please stop doing this stuff and let us learn about rocketry' then it's a prayer and so it's not in vain."

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" - alright, I'm coining a new word as I'm permitted as this is a quorum of the Noldorin linguistics guild on this continent. The word means 'please stop doing this stuff and let us learn about rocketry', and the proposed pronunciation is 'ahhhh'. All in favor -"

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"In favor. Expedited and approved."

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"Is that good enough?"

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"Hey, I haven't done the two years of classes yet. I can't think why not, though."

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"Dare I hope that the discussion over what to call the things will go a tenth as quickly?"

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"No!" Curufin and Fëanor both say at once, scandalized. "That's important!"

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"When's the next apocalypse?"

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"November, in Pune, India, cultists of the demon Oulorev are expected to try to raise him when the astrological signs are aligned, he is reputed to destroy worlds by lighting all their air afire."

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"There's no one handling this shit?"

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"There are plenty of people who consider it their duty. They mostly strike me as inept but perhaps I'm missing important context, and, well, the world does still exist. I don't know that we want to intervene in Pune, I assume various other groups will be attempting it and it seems like a good way to make our existence known before we know who might react to it and how."

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"Shame if the world ends, though."

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"We could stop by in October and kill all of the cultists who are planning to raise this demon."

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"We can do that, yeah. It might be our comparative advantage, even, because a surprising number of the organizations that attempt to protect the world are unwilling to kill humans."

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"Well, some of them are humans. Dunno what's going on with the ones that aren't. It's also possible that their public statements in books humans have access to don't reflect their actual policies."

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"Humans leave a body. Depending what level of competence you're operating at, that's a significant added complication."

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"Most kinds of demons seem to leave a body, it's just vampires that go poof. - did you have a plan to dispose of a body -"

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"I mean, long-term I'd like local authorities to work for us but short-term it generally works fine to chop a body into small pieces, wrap the parts in plastic, and lawfully dispose of garbage bags of waste at the nearest dump. As far as I can tell humans normally don't do that because they're squeamish, physically frail enough that the task is exhausting, and inexperienced enough with gutting animals that they get blood everywhere."

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