spike and dru land in sanity and really want to beat up celegorm
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He says something to his dog, concernedly. 

 

The dog says, is everything all right? do you need assistance?

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"Ahh! - of fucking course everything isn't all right, what the fuck did you bastards do to us now - get off on playing games with people, is that it - "

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This version of the Slayer's bodyguard has an extended conversation with the dog about that.  

The dog says, we don't know what's going on. we didn't bring you here. Eru could have done it. Eru does things like that sometimes. Eru is a god. We don't think he wished you harm, if it was him. We don't have any other good theories. Are you both all right? Do you need medical attention? 

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Spike makes a sound of wordless agonized rage. 

 

" - if you come near her again I'll kill you. Right now. Whether I know what the fuck is happening or not."

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"Ohh, it's a fairy dog. All magic and in people's heads. I never thought anything could see through all the fog. Are you a bad dog?"

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No, says the dog earnestly. 

The Slayer's bodyguard waits a while for the translation of Spike's comments and then takes a couple of steps back, raising his hands in the most nonthreatening posture he can manage. 

He dismisses his entourage, which is standing around gawking; they troupe inside.

Again? asks the dog. Your wife is known to a fork of his?

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Dru giggles. "Yeah."

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"The hell does that even mean."

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Dog-conversation -

There are many of Prince Turkafinwë Tyelcormo of the Noldor, on many worlds. We call them forks, because they diverge from each other like forks in a road. You know one? You are frightened of him?

This one takes off his coat and sets it in the flier; he's very evidently unarmed.

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"Ohhh, I get it. You're different. Was the other you who cut my Spike all into ribbons, cut-cut-cut." She makes a cutting motion between her fingers, like scissors. "Very very bad fairy."

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This man and his dog are really concerned and confused by this!

Are you.... sure you don't need any medical attention? Huan can patch you up a bit. Unfortunately we're about six hours' flight from the city.

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"Oh yeah, what, so you can drug us and lock us up again?"

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Someone did what to you?

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"Oh come on, don't play dumb, you must know."

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"All in cages, locked away, all tied to the wall. Tried ever so hard not to let them, but there were too many - terrible fairies - "

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The dog whimpers. The man pats him.

Okay. Well, that's not going to happen here. No one here is going to put you in a cage, no one here is going to tie you up, no one here is going to hurt you.

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Dru growls at them.

"A trick, a trick. Can't see the mousetrap, but the bad fairy set it."

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Huan whimpers.

 

The man looks so concerned. 

- look, there's a little hunting lodge about an hour by flier from here. No one goes there. I could take you there and then - forget I met you, never mention it to anyone, you can stay there as long as you like and no one'll ever run across you, does that work? 

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"The hell you can. Like you wouldn't just do it all over again - or, I know, give Dru to your slayer brat for target practice. Sounds like you. Not enough to take her down once, I guess."

Damn, they're surrounded by whatever these things are, he's never going to be able to fight his way out. Ugh. Think, think -

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He sighs, and sits down to rub the muzzle of the whining, concerned dog. I'm not going to do any of those things. I'm not going to do any things. I'm going to stay here, okay? If you think of something you want, I'll try to help.

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Spike paces.

Think. Think. 

He could steal a flier, maybe? Could kidnap this asshole and his magical dog and go somewhere - he's not sure where, can't be sure where, but somewhere - and then maybe he can kill the guy as slowly as he deserves and - yeah, he's not really sure where this plan goes after that -

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"Where's your slayer, fairy? You cared ever so much about her."

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I don't know what you're talking about, he says, with a lot of effort at hiding what is at this point a fair bit of irritation.

He and his dog confer.

I'm trying to think - north of here there's the sacred grove of the Maia Vakalis, where it is forbidden for any harm to come to anything, even a plant or an insect. If you wanted, you could go there, and then no one can touch you, it's impossible. Would that be less scary?

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"I think we should make him one of us."

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" - you think so, pet? Guess then he might tell us how to get back."

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