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to thine own elf be true
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"Yeah. He sure was, uh." 

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"...I'm half-human."

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The only thing that comes to mind is 'do you want a hug' and offering physical touch is -- not really a thing he can do at the moment. 

"I'm sorry," he says instead. 

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"I mean... it's not..." He tries to form his mouth around words. "Human children are so good. And then they get older and... we don't know a lot about adult humans but they're. Less good. They hurt kids a lot."

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"...kids hurt other kids too. I think everyone just hurts everyone." 

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"I mean, they often don't mean to, and it's usually because other people are hurting them first."

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"....as someone who got bullied for being weird all through elementary school, they often mean to. But I'm not going to disagree with you that lots of adults hurt people." 

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"...sorry. I didn't mean to. Get all depressing. I really just wanted to ask what the purpose of fish was."

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Shrug. "It's fine, I think most conversations I have will turn depressing. They're a thing to take care of and they're seen as a low-effort version of a more interactive pet. Not that nobody ever has super high-effort aquarium setups but I think those people get a different thing out of it than a kid who asks for a goldfish for Christmas and I don't actually know any of those people well enough to have asked." 

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"..........yeah I'm probably pretty depressing too. Because. I like people." 

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"...that's the least depressing reason to talk about lots of depressing things I've ever heard. I say that flippantly but also I mean it as a legitimate compliment." 

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"I was on naughty-and-nice duty before I was Santa's assistant and... being on naughty-and-nice duty is awful."

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"...that's the one where you watch what kids are doing, or —" 

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"Yeah-- at the time we watched them all the time but that took a lot of elfpower so we could only do it in New York and we were going to have more elf kids to make up the shortfall but I figured out how to make it so you could just watch the kids at random times and still figure out how naughty or nice they are on average--"

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"— you independently invented random sampling? Cool." 

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...oh gosh Sasha keeps making that face at him. It's a very good face.

"Yeah, that's why I'm Santa's assistant."

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"I don't think I'm getting across how cool I think that is but yeah." 

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No, it does, and his brain is completely failing to process it.

"It's really nothing."

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"It's not, humans figured it out — I'm not sure how long ago actually — and it gets used in all kinds of things, it's incredibly useful and you just, independently derived it from nothing — that's not nothing." 

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A really cute person keeps saying nice things about him and it is making him squirm in his seat.

"It was really very obvious-- you just have to watch them enough, and spread out so that it's not just a weird week--"

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"Well, I'm still impressed." 

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"...you keep saying nice things about me."

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"Nice things keep being true." 

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He should probably redirect the conversation to be about the Generic Winter Holiday spirit. 

Instead, he bounces.

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.....cute. 

"Do we know what the Yule spirit is shaping out to look like? — also, did the other santa have more policies I should know about." 

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