(A month later, she'll post a picture of it online, with the caption "this thing literally saved my life.")

She's walking to class a week later when she realizes she forgot her bag. And her homework.

Her roomkey is attached to her phone, which is her hand, and oh she has a message, which she opens and starts to read and then remembers she needs to go back to her room. Because she forgot her bag. and her homework.

She has her roomkey, though. She turns around and starts walking back.

She stops to say hi to a crow. But wait, she has class! But she forgot her bag. Time to go back to her room.

Does she have her roomkey? She does... 

By the time she makes it back to her room, 15 minutes later, she has gone through enough cycles to start to be Worried.

She must not have taken her meds? She hardly ever forgets, but she knows what Bad ADHD feels like, and it's this. (She remembers - ) She must not have taken her meds.

She should check her pill container. Her pill container is in the bathroom. She goes into the bathroom and gets it.

She thought it was Monday, but the Monday pill is gone. So it must be Tuesday? She takes the Tuesday pill, 60 mg of Adderall XR. 

She's late for class! She leaves her room, phone still clutched in her hand like a talisman.

She doesn't have her bag. Why doesn't she have her bag? She's going to be late for class and she doesn't have her bag. Or her homework!! (She doesn't notice how she can't stop fidgeting, passing her phone from hand to hand.)

She turns around. Did she forget to take her medicine? She could have sworn she took her medicine! But she's never this forgetful, when she's medicated.

Ooh, there's a crow! Hi crow! Does she have any food she can give it in her bag? She loves feeding crows. ...She doesn't have her bag.

She doesn't have her bag and she's going to be late for class aaaaaaaaaaa

She makes it back to her room. Where is her roomkey???

It's attached to her phone. It's okay. She's okay. She opens the door.

She has a terrible sense of déjà vu. Did she not take her meds? She doesn't remember if she took her meds! She sure doesn't feel like she took her meds.

She checks her pill organizer. She thought it was Tuesday, but the Tuesday pill is gone.

Is it Wednesday? She was going to math, she has math MWF, so it can't be Tuesday. 

She has math and the Tuesday pill is gone, so it must be Wednesday, and she forgot her meds. She sighs in relief, takes her Wednesday meds, and then rushes out the door. She's going to be late for class!

SHE DOESN'T HER BAG??? But - she remembers - going back for it - 

She punches the wall, as hard as she can. She doesn't really feel anything. She punches again, and again.

Her heartbeat is so loud. It's distracting! And she's late for class, and she doesn't have her bag, or her homework.

Why do her fists hurt so badly? It's distracting. She looks at them.

Huh. her knuckles are bleeding. Her knuckles are bleeding and she's late for class. She should go to class. 

She can't go to class. She doesn't have her bag. She needs to go back to her room. Does she - she has her roomkey. It's attached to her phone. She's holding her phone in her hand.

She gets back to her room. Her hands hurt. Her hands are bleeding? Why are her hands bleeding.

Not important. She needs to get her bag. She needs to open the door. Does she have her roomkey? Yes, it's attached to her phone. She opens the door.

She has a horrible feeling of déjà vu. (where did we meet before // just like this // I know your smile, your voice // just like that)

Her brain isn't working right. She must not have taken her meds? She could have sworn she took them! She should check her pill organizer.

There's only one pill left in it. She takes it. Her heartbeat is so loud. Her heartbeat is loud and her hands hurt and she is late for class.

She grabs her pill organizer and stuffs it in her pocket, and then runs out the door.

She almost goes back to take her meds 3 more times, but her pill organizer is in her pocket. She doesn't know why it's there, but it's empty. If it's empty, she took her meds. She took her meds and she still feels like this which is very bad, but she shouldn't take more, it's bad to take extra meds, she took 2 once and she felt like she was dying all day, and her heart is so loud, and, and, and her hands hurt and she doesn't. she doesn't have her bag. She - 

She collapses before she makes it to class.

She wakes up and her head hurts and she's on a table and there's a horrible beeping noise and something is in her throat and something else clamped to her arm and there's a needle stuck in her and it hurts when she fidgets and there's a beeping and it's so loud and she's late for class and oh wow why is she in the hospital??? 

the beeping is so loud. Her head hurts. She's shaking. She can't stop shaking. She's bouncing her legs. There's something in her throat and she hates it and her fists hurt. Someone starts saying something to her but they're talking so slow and the beeping is so loud and there's something in her throat.

She tries to take it out. Her head hurts. Moving her hand makes the needle in it - there's a needle in her hand. She rips it out (ow) and suddenly there are more people talking but she doesn't care, it's just noise, noise like the beeping and the way her shaking is vibrating the bed she's on (why is she here) and she has something in her throat and she hates it.

She rips the tube out of her throat, breathing heavily. The noises get louder. It's hard to hear the beeping - she barely notices it getting faster and faster. She looks around wildly.

The people around her are rushing towards her. She doesn't understand what they're saying. Her head hurts. She tries to listen but they're so slow and the beeping is so fast and she wants to move so she tries to sit up and - 

And suddenly they're HOLDING HER DOWN and the beeping is faster and she can't move, she's being held down, and she tries to push them off but there's - at least two - she's never been strong and her head hurts and her stomach feels sick and her heartbeat is so so loud in her ears.

Her throat hurts from the tube. Her head is throbbing. Her hands hurt. (Why do her hands hurt?). They're holding her down and she can't move.

Musoka opens her mouth and screams.

More people rush into the room. They're loud. The beeping is loud. She's louder.

Her throat hurts more now. They start tying her to the bed. She keeps screaming, and doing her best to make it hard for them, but it's hard and it's SO LOUD in here and her head hurts and she doesn't understand what's going on.

They hold down her right arm, even in the strap. She tries to pull it away but she can't. She screams. There's a sharp pain in the back of her right hand. She tries to jerk her hand away, but they're holding down her arm. It hurts. She screams, and screams, and screams, and then she can feel something going through the new needle in her hand and that's a new horrible sensation to scream about, in addition to the beeping and being held down and the suffocating pressure of so many people in the room, making incomprehensible noise noise noise (are they speaking French? did she get taken to a French hospital?).

And then suddenly she's too tired to scream or struggle or even... keep her eyes open..... 

When she wakes up, her body and mind feel sluggish and far away, but she's still trapped, and there's more things hooked up to her and the beeping is still there and the tube is in her throat and it hurts and she's scared and she's trapped. 

After about 10 seconds of confusion, she starts screaming and struggling until she's sedated. Again. 

It happens again. And again. And again. And again.

It gets worse every time. Her head and wrists and legs hurt more. Her throat is drier, voice is raspier, her screams more painful and quieter and pathetic.

She can't count, can't focus, can't remember, but every time she wakes up there, she's more and more sure that this isn't the first time it's happened, less and less sure that there was ever anything else before it. She wants to die. She wants to die. She wants to die.

Then she wakes up in a different bed, with less things stuck in her, and tighter straps. Her brain feels weird and bad but it's maybe differently weird and bad.

But she can't move at all, when she struggles, the bed rattles so painfully, and her throat hurts so badly, and it's hurting worse, now, because she's screaming and sobbing and screaming, and the screaming isn't doing anything but making her hurt more but she can't stop, even as her mind races at uncomfortable speeds between her extremely limited sensory inputs, almost all of them unpleasant.

Eventually her throat gives out, and she sobs silently instead. She wants to die. She wants to die and she can't die because she's trapped, she's always been trapped, she's going to be tortured here forever and ever and ever.

And then, as quickly as it arrived, it fades, and she can think again, and she feels okay, physically. Better than okay, really - her eyesight is sharper than it's ever been, her hearing is even better, and she has some kind of power, but she summons all her willpower to avoid actually using it while still strapped to a bed. 

She manages to get the attention of the staff, at which point they evaluate her, remove her, and send her on her way. 

Her mom picks her up, wraps her in her favorite blanket, and takes her home. She's done research and knows that espers who were institutionalized are almost always very hungry when they get out, so she stops at their favorite mexican fast food chain and gets her daughter 4 of the same kind of large burrito she always gets. Musoka scarfs one of them instantly and is working on the second by the time they get home. 

Two (and one third) leftover burritos go into the fridge. Shakey blue girl is escorted to her childhood bed, where she changes into PJs, and then - 

Musoka collapses into her bed, and pulls her mom into a hug, clinging desperately, sobbing and shaking. She doesn't manages to explain even a quarter of what happened and why, but that's more than enough to get across the sheer horror. 

Mom holds her close, gently strokes her hair, and tells her it's going to be okay. 

It takes a few days before she's ready to leave the house again. A week before she can stomach taking her meds, even though she misses the effects of them terribly. And she's not sure when waking up won't be a jolt of panic that only subsides once she realizes she can move her arms and legs, but it's clearly going to take a while. 

But - there's good things, too. Her body is stronger and faster and easier to use than it's ever been. She's hot, in a way that delights her whenever she sees herself in the mirror. She finds that she doesn't need her ADHD meds on weekends or when she's not too busy, and on the days she does want them, she does fine with a much lower dose. (The change in pill color and size helps a lot, with the fear.)

10 days after awakening, she heads to her first esper mixer, looking for someone compatible to help her safely test her powers.

She finds another new esper with solidly mediocre compatibility. Jamie's backlash makes him hungry, which they both agree is a weird thing to be compatible with hers, but they're not complaining. They schedule some time to do bunch of power testing, with plans to meet up for guiding afterwards.

Musoka's power lets her create bubbles that slow anything within them, down to a crawl, if she pushes. She has pretty solid range, and pretty good control over the number, size, and shape of her bubbles for a new user, but the thing that they tell her will make her a Very Valuable Dungeon Esper is her efficiency, which gives her a lot of wiggle room for creative usage. Exciting!

Jamie doesn't tell her what his power is, but he does tell her he's going to be a security esper and isn't interested in a guiding partnership, so he must not like it very much.

She thanks him for his time, posts a public description of her backlash, and begins her hunt for a compatible partner.