Zzz. He doesn't have horribly distracting nightmares or anything.

That's good.

When she wakes up she gets breakfast and double checks that all the flags are where they ought to be and that the tangly drawing she's made doesn't seem obviously mismatched from what she'll get if she hooks them up. And she waits for him to wake up, because this part she doesn't think she'd better do while he's unconscious.

Waking up is always miserable. Here he is, still alive. Time to ignore the urge to stretch or let himself ease into wakefulness and instead immediately get up and look for something distracting. What is even distracting around here. He can look at the stars while talking to Bella, maybe, if she wants to talk.

"Hi. I'm ready to try some more stuff. I am going to need you to pay attention to it and tell me if each thing I do is better, or worse, so I don't lock in something that is worse. I can keep you calm while I do that."

"Oh." What if he just died instead. What then. Then he would be useless and he has been assured repeatedly that he is not useless, much though he sometimes wishes he were. "I don't think I know how to tell if things are better or worse."

"When I did the phantom pain thing yesterday, could you tell if that was better or worse?"

Oh no, now he's thinking about having had his attention drawn to how he feels about The Thing He Doesn't Think About. "Not at first. I don't... like to know how I feel, so I usually don't."

"I can try to guess but I'd be -

- some of the people in your world have some kind of telepathy, right? Not my kind but some kind? Is there someone who might be able to tell for you if you're better or worse, from where the door is?"

That's the kind of thing a dragon could do if he had one. Where is Reith? Instead of saying that he commences pulling out his hair one strand at a time.

"...No."

"I can try doing it all in a row, and then maybe if it works, then you'll be able to tell me if it's an improvement and if it is I can stick it on?"

"That sounds like it could end up being a lot of extra work for you relative to me trying harder to introspect. I can try." The fact that this is among the least pleasant things he can imagine doesn't really strike him as implying he shouldn't do it.

"If it's - unsustainable - we can switch to the other option. ...ready?"

No. "Yes."

Tentative delicate easy to undo - thread this to the matching flag there - "Better or worse?"

Probably. Can't he just say "probably". It is probably one of those!

If he doesn't play along this might be harder or worse. And if it goes well then maybe he gets to find out what there is in the world that he could care about. There are - really kind of a lot of things beyond the mission he's already finished with, aren't there. Lots of work to be done to make a world worth living in. Lots of work to be done protecting that world - he reaches mentally for Reith, stupidly, and it hurts differently.

That's... definitely better but it's hard to make himself say anything. He's just going to sit here and be overcome with grief for a moment.

"Verlan?"

Wow, talking is really a lot of effort.

He really does need to, though. So. Think about something else. Think about the exploding stars. Maybe they could explode the red star that way and Thread would stop falling on them.

Deep breath.

"I think it's better but..." He really can't just say that he didn't care enough to feel grief before. Shards but that makes him sound incredibly broken and like a terrible person who's hardly human. And it raises the question of why he's so badly affected if he doesn't care. Didn't care. "...it's different."

"...okay. I won't stick it on yet, if you're not totally sure. Ready for the next one?"

"I'm ready."

Ever so gently and carefully she draws the this over to the that and psychically safety-pins them together - "Better or worse?"

That feels like -

- nope he's not going to think about that.

Not going to think about it.

It really feels like - nope.

...it's kind of like back when he was friends with his sister.

It's like back when it was possible to actually have friends.

Maybe it will be possible to have friends tomorrow.

"Better but - I want to ask you something about it but I don't know what."

"...huh. Do you have... partial concepts that relate to the question you have, maybe?"

That sounds like it would involve more introspection than is completely necessary, so no. Either a question will bubble up or it won't.

"No. Could you just start talking and see if that helps?"

"Sure. - I can also show you what I'm looking at but it won't make much sense because you aren't a subtle artist and it doesn't even make a lot of sense to me."

"That sounds good."