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ichorous april has a time in mass effect
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"We appreciate it."

They dock with a ship, and Miranda gets to her feet. "If you'll follow me, my employer wanted to speak with you personally."

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"Oh, what fun."

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Miranda leads her to a comm room, wherein waits a hologram of a man sitting in a rolling chair and reading something on his omni-tool. As she enters, he looks up and smiles avuncularly at June, standing from his chair.

"Commander Shepard. I have to say, it's an honor - though I left my autograph book at home."

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"Uh-huh. What's up?"

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He grins. "Straight to business. Not unexpected. As Operative Lawson told you, the Collectors have been abducting human colonies. We want you to find out why, and how, and to stop them. A colony was attacked a few hours ago - actually, at approximately the same time the Lazarus station was invaded. The Alliance hasn't gotten there to investigate, nor will they for another day or so. I'm making a recommendation in my capacity as your benefactor that you take Lawson and Shi to investigate ASAP."

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"Eh, not like I have anything better to do at the moment. I'll go take a peek."

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"Excellent."

She feels the ship change its heading.

"Now, it'll be a bit before you get there - any questions you had for me? About Cerberus, about - well, most things, I have my fingers in a lot of pies and experimental neural implants giving me an eidetic memory."

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"You know what my first question is," she says. "There is no way you don't know what my first question is. Because my first question is 'Akuze: what the fuck'."

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"Wanted to see if you'd dance around it," he shrugs. "Akuze was a Goddamn travesty for everyone involved. We chose an out-of-the-way location in which we could experiment with thresher maws - controlling them for the war against the Reapers, mostly, but also enhancing them, seeing if we could make them deadlier or more cooperative. Then someone decided to start a colony. We tried to stonewall the idiots, but they went wildcat. Inevitably, some idiot wandered into the Maw nest and got eaten. The rest of them sent off a distress signal. Your team answered in record time, before we could clear the base. So naturally, the project head decided to set his worms on the Alliance Military instead of detonating the base and running away."

The Illusive Man takes a breath and lowers his shoulders. "That man is no longer alive. I - am sorry that it happened, and I am sorry that I can't say anything to excuse it except that Dr. Annelius was a maniac who should never have been given a Ph.D., and that I tightened our psychological evaluation procedures afterwards."

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"...sure. Fine. Why not." She grimaces briefly. "Fine, next question, how bad was the security on whatever wild conjectures you dug out of my corpse? I assume the Shadow Broker already knows because the Shadow Broker knows everything, but should I expect a shady salarian research team up my ass about it too?"

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"Highest level of operational security, but - we obviously had at least one mole, or we wouldn't have been invaded by mechs. My spies among the salarian government haven't reported any suspiciously upset anthills, nor have the Council spies. I agree that the Broker probably knows. They were trying to recover your body themself, we just happened to get there first. ...I'd say be happy we did, but that's probably not on the table, so I guess just be happy they didn't."

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"I'm pretty pissed off about it but I guess that's what I get for saving the galaxy. I'll save any more comments on that until after I read the reports. Speaking of moles, though, I assume you gave my ship a crew. And probably filled it with surveillance equipment. I think you can probably guess how I feel about that."

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"Your ship does have a crew; we mostly got ex-Alliance and others who like you better than they like Cerberus, so that you could work more harmoniously with them. We do have surveillance equipment on your ship, not more than the Alliance puts on its own vessels but since you don't consider yourself Cerberus I'm going to guess you don't like it. Feel free to have the engineers melon-ball it out, it's all modular. We'd prefer you didn't remove EDI, as it's a significant asset to your combat viability, but, well, it's your ship."

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"Thoughtful of you," she says of his crew selection procedures. "I'll see what I think of the AI when I meet it."

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"Glad to hear it. Anything else?"

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"If I find anything else to bitch about I'll let you know. Toodles."

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"Toodles," he says, not without amusement. "And, Shepard? Welcome back."

The hologram winks out.

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And there's a knock at the door.

"Shepard?" Miranda says. "We're approaching the colony."

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She opens it. "Great. Anything else I should know before we drop in?"

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"Plenty, but you should get ready first." Miranda hands over a small pile of armor. "Changing room's over there."

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"...sure."

Changing room! Changing!

 

"Two things," she says when she emerges. "One, this armor is bullshit and I can't decide whether I love it or hate it. Two, when was somebody going to tell me that my face is glowing now? It's like finding out I've been walking around with spinach in my teeth all day only instead of spinach it's luminous facial scarring!"

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"Oh. Yes, sorry, we had to do some fairly extensive reconstructive work on your face, and... the substance that you have instead of cerebrospinal fluid, which we named Promethea... seemed to like the artificial bone we put in. It kind of. Colonized it. And we were going to fix the scarring before waking you, but our station was attacked."

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"Well that's gonna be fun to fix," she sighs. "Whatever, could be worse."

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"It almost certainly could!"

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"I think it's hot," Zanna contributes from where she's perched atop a weapon assembly desk.

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