Zash can hear her a lot better than he can hear his brother. She's terrified, terrified that this will fail, that they won't survive, or that they will but be all alone on this planet—

There's one stray thought that she tries not to think because she knows Zash is listening—

...Nai did it. It didn't take a whole thought, even without Rem having fully thought it it was still the last bit he needed to make the connection. He turns to Nai slowly, dawning horror creeping into his face.

Nai—notices. Flinches. Then opens up again, lets Zash see it.

He meant for all humans to die. He meant for only he and Zash and their sisters to survive, to build a world for only them, so that—doesn't Zash understand? So that nothing like Tesla (a spark of sharp agony at the memory, replaced by anger and hurt almost as soon as it appears) can ever happen again.

He meant for all humans to die, but he didn't think, it didn't occur to him, that Rem was human. "Rem," he repeats, not turning to look at Zash. Not bearing the thought of seeing Zash's face, his judgment. "Come with us," he says, extending his hand out to her.

She does look up, then, and she still—her thoughts and her heart are still filled only with love. She isn't in Nai's head but she understands, she knows what happened and why and she doesn't blame them, doesn't judge them.

Her face softens as she stops what she's doing to walk over to them and take their hands in hers, kneeling down so she's eye level with the small boys—not even two years old, but looking like they're eight. They're wonderful. Beautiful. Her sons, the only ones she'll ever have, and she feels so privileged to have had as long as she did with them. "My darling boys," she says. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry that we couldn't be enough. That I couldn't be enough. I love both of you, so much. I know you will have beautiful, wonderful lives. Love each other. Love other people. Forgive. You will be in my heart always." She kisses both of their hands and then returns to her console.

They're already strapped in and Zash doesn't have enough time to process this, to react, to understand that this is goodbye, before the glass front of the escape pod comes down and seals them in. "Rem, no, no please—" It lurches as the airlock door shuts in front of them and the bay door opens behind them and then the automated system engages the thrusters and the pod quickly starts to make its way away from the ship. "Rem!!!!!!"

No, no, this is all wrong, he didn't mean for this to happen, Rem wasn't supposed to die, he, he, he—

Zash turns to face his brother and grab him by the shoulders. "Why? How, how could you? How—"

[how could you? she died because of you! how could you!!!!]

He's sobbing uncontrollably and he's still punching his brother even though Nai has long since stopped struggling and is now just bleeding and bruised.

Long past the point where a human would've passed out, but neither of them is human.

[I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I didn't want to, didn't mean it—] Because he'd blocked that memory. It took seeing it from Zash like this, pieced together from what Zash remembered and what the plants could see, for him to properly remember. [I didn't, didn't, I'm sorry, I—]

And Zash collapses in front of him, still sobbing but no longer fuelled by anger. He can't hold onto the anger anymore. [you took them all from me. you killed them. you hurt them. all of them. and I kept, kept forgiving you, but you never said sorry!!! why am I forgiving you? why did I forgive you? you don't deserve my forgiveness, and you never even asked! Luida had to ask for you!!!!!!!]

He doesn't—he can't—he had to be Knives—

[fuck Knives! there was no Knives then, you were a scared child and you acted out like a child and you killed so many people and, and, and I don't care if it was worth it, I don't care if you still believe it was right, I don't give a flying fuck about Knives, I want to know that my brother understands, I need to know that you love me and that you're sorry, I need Nai to know it was wrong—]

Of course he knows it was wrong!!!!! He's a plant, too!!!!! Does, did, did Zash really think—he didn't want to kill Rem, he didn't want to kill anyone, he hates himself for doing it, he hates Knives, and, and—

[I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I, you're, you're right, I was a child. I shouldn't have done it, I've regretted it every day, I know I've made things worse, I know it's my fault all of this happened. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I killed people you loved, I'm sorry I hurt you, I'm sorry, I know it was wrong. I don't want, I, I don't know if you should forgive me. I'm sorry. I might do it again. I'm sorry.]

Zash pushes him away and gets to his feet then staggers out. He needs to be away, needs to, he didn't say any of the things he'd meant to say and he said many things he didn't mean to and he can't, he can't be around someone who says that he might do it again—

He goes back to his room with Yvette and cries in her arms.

She’d been reading, but she’s got enough of a feel for, if not precisely her new psychic powers, at least sensing Zash with them. She hadn’t been looking, but he’s not very good at hiding, and he’s very upset.

So she is absolutely ready to scoop him up in her arms and hold him, petting him and sending [lovelovelove]

[I hate him so much]

[how did we become so different, how did this happen]

[they're dead, Yvette. all of them. everyone. they're all dead.]

He's of course not expecting any kind of answer, which is convenient, because she definitely doesn't have one. It's awful and unfair and she's so, so sorry. They (she and Zash, if not Nai) will try to make this... better, if not right. Even if things will never, really, be all right, after all that's happened. But it'll be better.

That's, really, all he can ask for.

Fuck, he really didn't want to break the illusion. He really wanted to believe everything was going to be okay, with Nai. Now they're at the mercy of, of Knives, whenever Nai deigns to finally have his little think about it.

Because Zash isn't sure he can be around his brother again until they get this squared away. All his life, for the past century and a half, he's hoped he'd find a way, find a way to redeem his brother and make him not be Knives. He's not sure he really believed it, because he didn't really have a plan. Maybe a part of him had hoped it would've been enough to just have a long conversation or something.

That's stupid, of course. If one conversation were all it took, the last century and a half wouldn't have happened.

But Zash doesn't know what else it will take, and he's terrified that the answer is that it'll be impossible, and now there's not really any more wishful thinking or hoping. Maybe they'll argue some more, he doesn't know, but it's real now and everything he does counts and, and he doesn't know whether being angry and hurt at his brother and beating him to a pulp helped. It didn't even make him feel better.

A conversation is at least a start, instead of... it seems like they'd both just been running away from each other? While tricking themselves into thinking it's a game of chase, or that they're just too busy doing other things instead of avoiding each other. Going around and around this wide dusty world of theirs, knowing they need to talk and then never doing it. Like kids playing tag, or maybe hide and seek, but both too afraid to ever really touch.

But yes, it's normal to feel like shit when one fights with a beloved family member. Even if that beloved family member has... done some objectively horrible things.

Though, honestly, having people Nai considers worthwhile ('plants,' she thinks wryly, even though she's not one of those) be furious with him is probably really good for him. He's been surrounded by his sisters, who can't bring themselves to be angry with anything, ever, and people he despised. Who always hated him and probably also themselves. So. This is likely an excellent wakeup call.

Goddamnit, they had been avoiding each other, hadn't they.

Well. He hopes she's right. He hopes they can make this work. But for now, he needs to be distracted.

Yes, no complicated feelings here, no sir. Those are for designated complicated feelings times, one of which has now ended so they have some breathing room for the next one.

[And how would you like to be distracted, hm?]

She already knows. Poor hybrid alien, corrupted by the humans to have a libido. So inconvenient, but it's so useful for things sometimes!!

Hey you know what they haven't tried much of yet is making use of his shapeshifting. Is Yvette by any chance bisexual?

What a silly question to ask, mind reader.

(The answer is yes.)

Nghhhhh.

Zash needn't have worried about Nai not doing his think, at least not after this whole fight, because Nai has realised he had been kinda putting it off and now he's not going to, anymore. He's going to do it right here, right now, on the floor, in a small puddle of his own blood.