"After that it didn't matter what was fun I had to have all the power or everything might collapse on me."

"I'm trying to figure out why it was - fun enough to do at all - to handle a captive like you did."

"The watching-interesting-people-under-pressure, the power things are still fun when it's all one way if less fun, the - self-destructiveness of it - and I told myself he wasn't that unhappy -"

"...I'd expect it to be more challenging for you than most people to fool yourself about that."

"I knew exactly what was going on in his head but I don't - experience depression if I model engaging with someone who's depressed -"

"...no, but you were telling yourself something about his experience, not yours."

"It's easy to think that once you understand what someone's thinking you understand what they're experiencing, I mean."

"...still don't get it."

"Even though I'm pretty good at understanding people, the thing I'm good at understanding is - what they want, what they're thinking, what they're looking for, and therefore I can miss or deceive myself about things like baseline happiness, especially if someone's trying to be less legible to me."

"Hm. Okay."

"I was much happier in our relationship in Valinor when he was also happy with it."

"And then that was out of reach so you were - exploring what you had left?"

"Yep."

"I assume you are already aware that I would be damn hard to induce to put up with that kinda thing on any level and you could not walk it back if you tried."

"I promise I will never."

Kiss. Good.

Kiss. If there are things I can do to make you feel safer...

I don't feel frightened so much as cautious on principle. And - curious about you in general.

Nod. 

Apparently his principled caution and his curiosity are both satisfied enough for now.

But did the conversation leave him in a kissing mood.

Apparently.

Oh good! See he has this boyfriend who loves him very very much.

Oh good.

What are you planning to do? he asks Cor a few days later.