The Top 100 Things I'd Do
If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord

I'll make a note to include more wacky deathtraps and arena hazards.

Player enrichment is win/win!

If you get the option to accept a true resurrection from a LE cleric, I paid in excess of 25000 sails for it and you had better accept, are we clear? 

Crystal. 

What's eighty-eight?

88. If a group of henchmen fail miserably at a task, I will not berate them for incompetence then send the same group out to try the task again.

Or at least, like, not without figuring out what went wrong last time and coming up with a plan for if it happens again.

Eighty-nine?

89. After I captures the hero's superweapon, I will not immediately disband my legions and relax my guard because I believe whoever holds the weapon is unstoppable. After all, the hero held the weapon and I took it from him. 

Do you guys have a superweapon?

Depending on how far we are into the campaign, we might have the magic sword that's your one weakness.  

Ehh, that doesn't really count. Let me know if you find anything that makes you unstoppable.

Ninety?

90. I will not design my Main Control Room so that every workstation is facing away from the door.

Hmmmmmmm. I could organize my castle so that every desk is facing towards the door you came in through, but that'd mean you always have walk around the desk to get into your chair and also it'd waste a bunch of floor space... and also, I don't want to have to reorganize everything; interior design is not my life's passion. 

You could task someone else with the interior design.

But then it'd look terrible. 

No, what I need are mirrors, so everyone can see if someone comes in through the door without even turning their heads.

What's ninety-one?

91. I will not ignore the messenger that stumbles in exhausted and obviously agitated until my personal grooming or current entertainment is finished. It might actually be important.

I'll set up a telepathic bond with someone who lives in the castle - or, better, with a few of the people who live in the castle -, and instruct my lieutenants and messengers so if specifically I am needed immediately, my lieutenants know where to find someone who can tell me.

It had better be important, though.

What's ninety-two?

92. If I ever talk to the hero on the phone, I will not taunt him. Instead I will say this his dogged perseverance has given me new insight on the futility of my evil ways and that if he leaves me alone for a few months of quiet contemplation I will likely return to the path of righteousness. (Heroes are incredibly gullible in this regard.)

Hey Choryon.

Yes, Ileosa?

Your dogged perseverance has given me new insight on the futility of my evil ways and if you leave me alone for a few months of quiet contemplation I will likely return to the path of righteousness.

Wouldn't you need to have previously been on the path of righteousness, in order to return to it?

So what I'm hearing is that I should briefly step onto the path of righteousness, and then hop back off, and after that I should say that if you leave to my quiet contemplation I'll return to it.