"OK. Um. I - I'm just gonna say all of the stuff, and you can help me figure out which parts of it were bad. I didn't warn my sister about the effects, and she wasn't able to protect herself, and - I think the effects are a separate thing, I should have told her where I was going and what was going on. I, um, repeatedly stopped focusing on the task that Alex was telling me to focus on, and if I hadn't done that I maybe could have stopped it a lot sooner. I killed a guy to get into the Mayor's office. I, uh, was arguably complicit in the murder of like a thousand high school students, I don't know how to count that one. I jumped into hell even though I knew it'd mess with fixing things, but, arguably extenuating circumstances, I was trying to save a bunch of babies from being eaten. Though, uh, had I died down there I think everyone else would totally actually be dead for real, so it was still sort of dumb. I - think I kind of maybe hated you guys, for a little bit, when Lurconis was talking, and saying how I was really stupid for trusting you and you didn't care at all. I stole your rock - although, in my defense, I didn't know it was your rock, and at that point I was laying fifty-fifty odds that you guys were going to try to use it to destroy the world, so, had I been right, that probably would have been the right call, I guess? Possibly I was negligent in the year leading up to all of this in that I, like, I should have known more things, and asked more questions about you guys, although I think I mostly didn't because I was trying to follow the superhero code. I placed one of my only remaining friends at that point in, like, mortal danger. I made you guys kill me.
"Um, I came back and I shot you in the back of the head, and then I shot your brother in the head, and I feel really bad about this but I also don't - Alex said some things when we talked about it that made it sound like he thought that killing you guys was the right decision, or justified, if there's a difference between those things, and I wanted to ask him about whether I should kill you again if anything else relevantly horrible ever happened again and you guys had to kill a ton of people, except then I thought maybe that would force you to update your information on me and shoot me first if anything like this ever happened again, and maybe that would make you sadder, so I didn't, but now also I'm really confused about what I should have done, and part of me feels like even if it did happen to be the right decision, it was still, like - I think I made it because I was scared? Not just of you guys but of - of being stupid, of making mistakes that would make no sense to anyone in hindsight. I was - more worried about who I was as a person - or, not even that, more worried about how I was perceived as a person, I think, in that moment, than about saving the world. And - that's not a good way to be. I want to be able to make choices because I think they're right, and not because I think that other people will hate me less if I make them.
"And - I feel like - I feel like I have this weird - this really really strong desire for people to tell me that I was good, and I didn't disappoint them, and actually they're proud of me, even when they're dealing with heavier stuff than I am and it's really unfair to expect them to set that aside to focus on me, and also I - I shouldn't need that much reassurance in the first place, I think? And - I'm worried that my friends are - hurting, and I'm not doing anything about it because, I don't know, trying to make them feel better sounds hard, or like I might just make things worse because maybe I'm actually really incompetent, and - and while I'm thinking of it, I should have thanked Zeke on Tuesday, but I put it off because I didn't want to think about it, and he didn't deserve that, and he really, really came through, at least in terms of the scenario where you guys were evil and trying to destroy the world, and I should thank him for that.
"I think - I think those are the big things."