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restoring mhalir from backup
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<That's good. Thank you.> Sigh. <I hope Cayaldwin and you are able to sort out a way to embody him.>

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<I hope so too.> 

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[Is Matirin there] Mhalir says, though of course he has no idea who's currently reading it. 

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It's configured now to send messages to Cayaldwin and Matirin's brain chips, like they get emails.

[Yes.]

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[Matirin, I wanted to ask you a question.]

Now he can't remember the exact wording of what he talked about with Cayaldwin, it'll be in the logs and his notes but then he has to find it, which will be easier soon but right now he feels very weary about it.

[During the leadup to Leareth's capture and my decision to surrender, when you had prepared a contingency plan to kill everyone on Earth and were very close to implementing it, do - you think you made a mistake?]

[We were talking about the Hork-Bajir homeworld, which I have thought of as a mistake on the Andalites' part, but Cayaldwin thought the mistake was not located in willingness to kill large numbers of people.]

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[Yes, I was clearly making a mistake there.]

 

[To be clear once we discovered Leareth it was very unlikely at that point that we would destroy Earth,  because once we'd discovered Leareth it no longer seemed at all likely that the entire galaxy being enslaved forever was a likely outcome. I think from that point on I acted sensibly.]

[But before we landed on Velgarth I was considering it the likeliest outcome that I would end up killing everyone on Earth.]

 

[I think if we'd been right and Yeerks meant to enslave the whole galaxy and were close to having the resources to win the war and do it, then it would not have been a mistake to go to those lengths to prevent it.]

[And if you are right that you could have managed a post-war transition to only voluntary hosts then it would have been a mistake.]

[And with the information I actually had]

 

 

[I should have sent one of my people to you. Someone who knew what we were there to do and did not know any details that could be used to interrupt us. On the off chance - and it seemed absurdly unlikely at the time - that you would come up with something we both preferred to the death of everyone on Earth and could credibly commit to each other we'd implement.]

[I could not myself think of anything we'd both prefer to the death of everyone on Earth and I did think about it a lot. And I couldn't myself think of any way we could coordinate on something even if it was a good idea, with the extraordinary incentives to break such an agreement at the first opportunity. And it seemed that by far the likeliest outcome was that I was sentencing whoever I sent to decades or centuries of torture.]

[But I should hope that if anyone had asked me how likely it was that there was something I hadn't thought of that we could agree on, I would have said it was better than one in a million.]

[And it would not have needed to have more than a nearly-impossible shot at working to have been worth it, with five billion lives on the line.]

[But I am pretty sure I wouldn't have thought of it.]

[So I think that was a mistake.]

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[Ah]

Mhalir says nothing else for a long time. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[I think I ought have tried harder and made more costly sacrifices toward de-escalating. I thought that I did try. But probably I did not try enough.]

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[I think there is no single thing you could have done that would have convinced us to stop the war.]

[But there are things that would have been confusing]

[And if we'd been confused we might have been more careful, and less inclined to escalate all the way when cornered]

[If nothing else, I think it would have affected the debate at home about whether to build AGI to try to stop you]

[The people having that debate are the sort of people who are very very attentive to what they are uncertain about and what kinds of uncertain it is]

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[Right. I - did not give you very many genuinely confusing data points, I realize now.] 

[...People were considering building AGI to stop us? I did not know that]

[That is rather alarming]

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[Yes]

[This is perhaps - reasoning too much from your common history with Leareth]

[Which is kind of an insane thing to do since we don't understand how you are similar or why or in what ways]

[But in his version of the story, when he was winning the war by enough, the other side used an extraordinarily powerful magic superweapon that he did not know they possessed]

[And it was a catastrophe that nearly rendered the planet uninhabitable]

[The parallel is striking, anyway]

 

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Mhalir isn't sure how to reason about that either, it does sound insane, but it's still alarming. 

[Well, I am glad a different thing happened instead.]

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[Me too]

 

[I think it would have been confusing if you had set up a planet of free Hork Bajir]

[Or sent Alloran back]

[Or taken a more open voluntary approach to Earth, though I understand that to not have been your decision in the first place]

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[It was not my decision.]

[I think Visser One made many questionable judgement calls, which constrained my later approach.]

[I...would have preferred a voluntary approach on Earth, were it my choice, but I am not sure I would have felt I had the leeway for it.]

[Your other proposals make sense. I do not think I would have thought of them and that seems like a mistake on my part.]

[Well, I did consider sending Alloran back on multiple occasions.]

[It does not matter, though, since I did not do it.]

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[You were very afraid of us. That was reasonable given the information you had.]

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Mhalir isn't at all sure what to say to that. 

[I was]

On some level he still is. He's just not bothering to actually feel the fear because it's not going to help with anything. 

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[I'm sorry.]

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[I wish Seerow had not] and it doesn't feel like there's any point in finishing that sentence. 

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[Yeah.]

 

[Thank you for talking to Cayaldwin about murdering Alloran.]

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[Did he end up agreeing not to? I could not actually hear the conversation.] 

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[I think so. I will press him on it more tomorrow, it wouldn't be a good idea to do so right now.]

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[Right] 

[I think that is all I wanted to talk to you about, unless you had anything else] 

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[I don't think so]

 

[I'm glad to have you back]

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What is he even supposed to say to that. It feels especially odd because he isn't, really, the Mhalir who Matirin knew before. 

[That is good to hear]

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[Let me know if anything else comes up]

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[I will] 

Mhalir goes back to poking at his notes. 

[Cayaldwin are you there] he says a minute later, [I had some ideas about how to set up a programming interface - ]

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