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ichorous april has a time in mass effect
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Miranda leads them into Afterlife and quickly locates the merc recruiters.

"Stripper tryouts are that way, sweetheart," one sneers.

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Zanna punches him in the face, sending a tooth flying across the room. When he goes for his pistol, she kicks him in the crotch, eliciting a crunching sound from his armor.

"Let's try that again," she says brightly to his compatriot as the first recruiter keels over. "Hi, we're here for the siege on Archangel. Do you have any mid-twentieth-century stereotypes for us?"

"No ma'am," he drawls, handing over a scrip of plastic. "You can take the aircar from fifth and Drexel."

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(Shepard snickers.)

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They head for fifth and Drexel. "Thank you, Zanna," Miranda says. "I'd have done it myself, but-"

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"-your nails are freshly painted? You were afraid that your image of unattainable femininity would be threatened? You were struck by a mysterious bout of vapors?"

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"I would have killed him. Which would have been an unacceptable escalation. So I'm very thankful that you were there to de-escalate."

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"Hear, hear."

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"Well. You're welcome."

The aircab driver is not even slightly sexist, and simply ushers them into his aircar and drops them off at the siege base, which is inside an old apartment complex. They're greeted by a batarian with a clipboard. "More mercs?" he asks.

"Yep," Zanna says.

He makes a note.  "Great. You'll be in the first wave across the bridge, we need more bodies. We'll let you know when it starts."

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'We need more bodies', never a good thing to hear from a recruiter. Time to scout out the besieging side?

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"Should we split up?" Miranda asks. "We can meet up again when the siege proper starts, but I'd like to get in as much sabotage as we can while we can."

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"Sure thing. I guess if I run into any trouble I can't lie my way out of, I'll just apply my charming personality." (She pats the sniper rifle on her back, in case anyone was confused about what 'my charming personality' was supposed to refer to.)

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"I wanna be you when I grow up," Zanna says.

Then they split up. Zanna heads towards the Blood Pack portion of the base to see what of it she can subtly fuck up.

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Miranda heads for the Blue Suns, where her mechanical expertise will hopefully let her play merry hell with their mechs.

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Which leaves June with, uh, those other guys. What're they called. Eclipse? Yeah, them.

Time to go fuck shit up!

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These guys: assholes, apparently. There's a general air of superiority, plus a more specific air of - nerds who somehow got into murder, but still think they're better than everyone else because they have a good GPA?

Some of them are talking over the details of a drug deal. "-so we got a couple barrels of Minagen," the salarian says.

"Minagen? The biotic booster?" asks the asari.

"Yeah, the booster. It's supposed to be really good shit. But for some fucking reason they threw in five ounces of red sand. Lagniappe, they said."

"What the fuck?"

"I know! Do we look like slavers? Nobody goes near that stuff by choice unless they're dumber than a box of rocks. Throwing it in with Minagen, what the fuck are they doing? We gotta keep that shit separate. And figure out how to dispose of the sand, but that comes later. Can you imagine if some moron snorted sand thinking it was gonna boost their amp?"

"Don't even joke. Some of the morons we have around here, I swear."

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Man, she's really gotta talk to Mordin about her long-abandoned experiments with making herself into a biotic. Biotic powers would be so cool.

Anyway. This sure sounds like a situation she could introduce some chaos to, if she lurked a bit more and found out where they're keeping the stuff.

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If she looks around a bit, she may notice some conspicuous barrels, with a small box atop them labeled DON'T TOUCH NO REALLY.

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That looks like a box she should definitely touch, and also perhaps introduce to the contents of the barrels! (She will maybe feel a little bad about this, but hey, sometimes when people are trying to kill each other you do shitty things to make sure that the ones who survive are the ones you like better.)

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Shortly after her subterfuge is complete, Miranda stops by, Zanna in tow. The latter appears to have suffered a nosebleed.

"-sure they didn't see you?"

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"A, yes, B, get off my dick, I've been doing this just as long as you have."

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"You were a mercenary, I'm a covert operative, there's a difference."

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"Sometimes, mercenary work involves not being seen. They didn't see me."

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"Did anybody hear anything about the shape and status of these guys' siege plan while you were covertly operating? I didn't, I just spotted an opportunity for mischief and went and made some."

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"Yes. The raw recruits are first across the bridge to Archangel's hideout, followed by the Blue Suns mechs - including an YMIR that I took the opportunity to sabotage. Eclipse is going to send their elites through if those waves fail, and if all else crashes and burns, the Blue Suns leader is planning to pull out a gunship. Blood Pack apparently hasn't been playing nice with the others, and they'll be doing their own thing throughout - they might send some vorcha in the raw wave, but they've apparently got their own plot going. Speaking of which, given we've got our own plot going, let's get moving before they notice our sabotage, hmm?"

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"Good plan!" Away they go.

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