Loooool. Paywall, obviously. Hate this kind of predatory shit.

Save your money, guys, let me give you a quick rundown of a dungeon survival guide, for free:

Don't panic. A dungeon does not want you dead. Leaving a dungeon under your own power makes for a nice news story, but usually the smart thing to do is stay put and wait for rescue. If the dungeon clearly wants to elicit a reaction out of you, try to cooperate. This is for two reasons: one, it is safer for you, as dungeons will sometimes start trying to persuade its victims into playing along, and this is usually worse than what it originally wanted from you, and two, if you are being a good smart nutritious human, it will waste less resources trying to deal with you. This gives you more space to advocate for things you actually need. Like water. Or food. Or getting to work with other humans.

Which is point two. Your best 'resource' in a dungeon is other people. This is primarily in the people whose job it is to rescue you, which by the way you should stay put, stay alive, and maybe yell for when you hear gunshots so they can find you, but it's also in other kidnapping victims. Band together if the opportunity arises. New dungeons (which are what most people who are kidnapped by dungeons get grabbed by¹) are not very good at understanding how humans can work together. Keep each other calm and safe.

Third: if dungeons really scare you, the best way to deal with them is preparation. Wearing a canteen strapped to your belt has gone a bit out of fashion lately, but the thing that is most likely to kill you in a dungeon is dehydration. So. Wear one with you to the grocery store, to work, hell, to bed if you're really nervous. Carry a pocket knife - not as a weapon, as a tool, for changing your environment to fit your needs - or multitool with you. Wear practical shoes and adjustable layers.

But, really: in this day and age, if you are kidnapped by a dungeon, you will be okay. Sit tight. Stay calm. Stay alive. Help other humans you see. Wait for rescue. It will come.

¹A link to a page on dungeon statistics, and what types of dungeons are most common.

Look, pal, I worked hard to put together the best dungeon survival guide I can.  It’s five bucks.  I’m not getting rich.  I spent about three months researching it, and I point out the meaning behind the data.  If one person can use my ebook to stay alive, I’m honored and thrilled for the opportunity.

But I gotta eat, too.  I have kids to feed, and I can’t afford to take three months working for free.  You pissing on my guide might as well be hollering at the surgeon who won’t treat your cancer for free.

No, it's like hollering at a back alley butcher when government healthcare's paid for by taxes. If you were wondering, I bought your book before I posted, because I have an interest in these things. You push macho brand self-obsessed heroism, telling people to go haring off into the dungeon on their own with sticks and spears, and a bunch of cheap tricks that will never be useful in a real dungeon.

Get a real job, the one you picked will get people killed.

"space to advocate for things". at, what, the dungeon customer service desk? excuse me, miss pool-noodle-wielding anthropomorphic mouse that disney would sue if you had a legal existence, where is the buffet? oh, I see, you don't speak any human language and you want me to get back to floating in the pool? gotcha gotcha

in this thread:

• scream and run at the monster
• politely ask the monser to give you some space

maybe someone should consider running away from the monster.

(carrying a knife sounds good tho. whatever you are gonna do with it, you still have a knife.)

Okay but my boyfriend told me you shouldn't carry a knife if you don't know how to use it, cause then it's just another weapon to be used against you?

(a) you carry a POCKET KNIFE not a this-is-a-knife knife that makes people think you think you're cool and stabby.
(b) monsters already have all the weapons they want. monsters aren't human muggers.

... 'Advocate' in this context is like. Slowly shuffle your way to a fresh water source or somewhere centralized and easy to find while doing what the dungeon wants. But sure. Gloss it as asking dungeon customer support instead of something actually practical.

It's too late to explain yourself. You're going to be customer service desk guy forever.

I am not going to go into details, because I have been kidnapped so many times that just saying the number would make much easier for someone to track down and doxx me. The notion that you can cooperate with dungeons is ludicrously naive. If dungeons had any intention to cooperate with humanity they had 60 years to learn how.

That said, at least @posttoast advice is free. The ebook is about as worth as the paper it is not printed on.

idk @pleno_plano maybe dungeons just hate you specifically

idk @pleno_plano maybe dungeons just hate you specifically

I think they love me, because I am super-tasty. If they do hate it, believe me, the feeling is mutual.