"I have the Protagonist Aura."

"You seriously do. I think you're knocking Spidey out of the running for 'most likely to be the actual main character of this thread'."

"I'm not going to ask."

"Ha! You remembered again!"

"Uh – it's the story we're in, I guess? This part gets kind of fuzzy when I try to think about it too hard. 'Specially with my mask off."

"Iiiii wanna get back to the part where you like it that I'm in love with you. I liked that part."

"Obviously I like it that you're in love with me. Come on. You're you."

"I'm me!" he agrees. "And you're smart and kind and funny and hot."

"I'm a high school dropout who murders people for a living. I'll give you funny and I guess I can give you hot."

"I said 'kind,' not 'perfectly ethical', and it really doesn't sound like the reasons you dropped out had anything to do with how smart you are."

"I was also a terrible student, totally separately from the whole I hate my parents thing. But you're not wrong, I guess."

His leg is going kind of numb. He tries to squirm into a different position.

"...anyway the important part is that I like you, not my self-esteem."

Asher lets him adjust.

"I think you should have high self-esteem, because you're great. But probably I have a lot of time to try to convince you that you're great. Because we're dating!" (His voice is so happy on the last sentence.)

"Much time as you want."

"–if we're dating, that means we get to go on dates."

"Are you afraid of heights?"

"I have jumped off multiple buildings."

"I should take you flying sometime. New York City at night is... important."

"...well. If it's important I guess it's a date."

Asher kisses him. "I want to take you on dates. What kind of dates do you like?"

"...I actually...don't really know. There's, uh, complications with my girlfriend, so I'm only really ever over at her place."

Asher ponders. "I wonder if figuring out the objectively best date is the sort of problem I can apply machine learning to."

"Asher Stark," he says, fondly.

"Do you mind rating, like, a thousand potential dates for me so I can have training data?"

"Actually I would totally do that just to see what the thing spits out."

"Best boyfriend ever."