"Whaddaya say, Evie, give us a squeeze?"

"No. 23."

"Money! You have a dollar."

19 and 13 get her to a whole $100, which would buy a nice meal out, if Evie were the sort of person who paid for her own meals out. And then she says "Three."

"Aw, bad luck, Evie, it's Face."

Obviously it's Face. She only has one left.

"Our first option for Face is Tattoos. Tattoos will allow Evie to change the color of her skin at will, allowing her to transfer any design from the page to her skin. Whether she wants a cute butterfly, a flower, the name of Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now, or simply the word SLUT, Tattoos allows her to transform her body into a work of art."

"You may object that Tattoos is really more of a Body than a Face, and you would be right, but the designers didn't get much sleep the night they were planning this. Besides, she can also put the tattoos on her face."

Absolutely not. Trashy sluts get tattoos. Classy golddiggers like Evie don't mar their skin with other people's art. If you get a tattoo, people might think they can have sex with you for free. 

it would be so good to be made out of art

Her hair perks up, like a traitor. 

"Our second option for Face is No Makeup. With No Makeup, Evie will be completely unable to wear makeup of any kind. If she so much as applies mascara, the itch will be unbearable, making her want to claw her face off unless she immediately rinses it off. With No Makeup, Evie will go out into the world barefaced. You won't have to make her go swimming to find out what you're going to get in the morning."

aaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

The purpose of this show is to torture and humiliate her specifically.

(Her hair hides her eyes.)

"Our third option for face is Fashion Plate. With Fashion Plate, Evie will follow the latest styles on the runways in Milan, Paris, New York, and London. She will be compelled to make sure her look is up-to-the-minute and follows all of the latest trends-- if she isn't setting them. Whether the current fad is a bold eye, a matte complexion, soft blush, or even face gems, Evie will look like she's always stepped out of Vogue."

excellent, she will be compelled by mind control to do the coolest makeup

Bad! Men like classic looks and do NOT like face gems! Seriously, it's like no one on this show knows what they're supposed to be doing. 

"Our fourth option for face is Pretty in Blue. Going along with her blue complexion, Pretty in Blue requires Evie's makeup looks to always have a significant blue component. Whether it's a blue lip, blue eyeliner, aqua eyeshadow, or simply drawing a blue star on her face, Pretty in Blue will make sure she always fits with her theme color."

It... could be worse. Evie guesses. With her blue hair, natural beauty is sort of out the window regardless. Besides, being Extremely Blue is very appealing. 

"Aaaaaaand the winner is-- Tattoos!"

The pink fog washes over Evie, and then retreats, and suddenly she has a new capability, in the same unremarkable way that she can lift her pinky finger-- to copy any picture she wants onto any part of her body. 

This is the least bad option, probably.

"And we're going to take our first break, gentlemen, bimbos, and dykes!" the host calls. "And I mean that last not as an insulting word for non-bimbos but simply as an acknowledgement of what demographic is interested in competent, successful women with breasts the size of their heads."

Evie heads to the green room, where she washes off her makeup and then uses Tattoos for its only rational purpose: making all her makeup permanent and non-smearable. 

There's a knock on the door.

"Come in."

"Hello! It's Chrissi!" Chrissi says, because she always forgets people's names. She never forgets a cock, though, and that's what's really important.

Chrissi's boobs sway in the most interesting way that Evie can imagine. She has never experienced a subject-- not chemistry, not makeup, not even the September issue of Vogue-- that interests her as much as Chrissi's boobs interest her at this very moment. They keep bouncing, is the thing. They keep bouncing, and moving, and every time Chrissi wiggles they bounce even more, and--

Evie remembers something about hypnoboobs. Probably what's happening is that she's getting hypnotized by Chrissi's hypnoboobs. The host had said something about it only happening to-- people who were attracted to women-- but that's ridiculous, of course Evie isn't-- even straight girls and gay men would want to stare at Chrissi's breasts which are, Evie emphasizes, the most interesting thing that has ever happened to her. 

Oh! Chrissi knows what to do when this happens! Chrissi is very smart. 

Oh god are those nipples. 

"You are supposed to come over here and suck on them," Chrissi explains. This new girl doesn't seem to be remotely as smart as Chrissi is!