" - because losing your womb in a Polymorph terminates a pregnancy. This is the entire reason I know the spell and its most popular use."

"Of course," she says faintly. 

"Admit it, I'm a genius."

"This seems quite likely to be a disaster somehow though I admit it does also have some chance of working out very nicely for you. Altarrin - I guess he's not very the jealous type -"

"Very pointedly refuses to touch me. This is probably entirely my fault, the first day I told him if he fucked me it'd bother me slightly though not enough anyone would notice."

"Have you - told him since you feel differently about it?"

"Of course not! Could you imagine??? If he doesn't want me then there's suddenly common knowledge of that! It would be terrible! - and he doesn't want me. It might be that he doesn't want me because of things that include that conversation, but it's - not like he's been hoping and hoping I'll change my mind. And I think I - can't really deal with Good people these days anyway, if I ever could. He's so sad."

"Is there - don't take this the wrong way - any overlap between men you want and men who are remotely a good idea to date?"

"See, I think the Emperor is a striking example of what's admittedly a small category. Rumor has it all of his lovers are alive and in one piece and so on. But also, he has them, and is capable of enjoying them while he has them. That's all I ask."

"And if the rumor had been that his lovers were frequently, what, dropped into a pit of crocodiles..."

"I would at minimum have arranged to fight some crocodiles before I even considered this plan."

...joke?  Merda is pretty sure that was a joke.

It's been a while since Carissa has had the opportunity to make a point to someone who is gaping at her disbelievingly. It's starting to feel like she was missing something important.

"I do know a crocodile summoning spell but it doesn't work quite right here because you're differently positioned with respect to the planes the crocodile-constructs get their defining shapes and spirits from."

"Is Cheliax just ...like this?"

"...this I think I got from Keltham, actually. In a way. Any dath ilani who'd just made a joke about fighting crocodiles and had a crocodile summoning spell would absolutely summon some crocodiles to punch in the nose on the spot. There's a - might as well enjoy yourself - Altarrin reminds me of Keltham a bit but he's entirely missing that spirit. ...Keltham is too, now, of course."

"All right, so, to be clear, you want to be assigned to be a - page to the Emperor or something? And your plan is to go in and make pretty faces at him and hope that he decides to fuck you in private so you can tell him -"

"I intend to tell him as soon as we are in private but I don't actually object if that is several assignations into our relationship, so long as he can't reasonably complain I should've told him sooner since I couldn't have without betraying some state secrets."

"Are you going to be crushed if he hears out your - proposition - and says 'no thanks'?"

"Have you met me? I'll just seduce his boss."

Thaaaat one was a joke. She's pretty sure.

"Look, I need to - do things. That won't get me killed if I fail but that meaningfully go differently depending how good I am at - making plans, getting what I want - I hate being around Altarrin, I hate having nothing but Good and tiredness and sadness to - engage with, respond to - I want to be wanted, and I want to surprise people, and I want to be in at least a little danger of at least a little torture."

"I guess I can get some random handsome non-Gifted boy who already has the right compulsions in place a job that'll eventually take him in front of the Emperor's face."

"Not eventually. The sooner, the lower the odds I do something actually not allowed in the course of being too clever for my own good."

"Get me the mindreading artifact and I'll see what I can do."

It's pretty clear, at this point, that General Isktar wasn't ruthless enough for the job of pacifying Taymyrr. 

(...Though Altarrin isn't sure how much this was predictable in advance, versus the direct result of Carissa landing in his world and giving him new options and - probably, he assumes - throwing new noise and confusion into the gods' Foresight. It's not like it would be useful to blame Isktar for it anyway, it's so rarely useful to assign fault after the fact, but maybe this had nothing to do with him, and he was, like so many people before him, made a pawn of vast forces beyond his understanding or control.

He's trying not to dwell on thoughts like that, though, it's not helpful.)

Officer Ashak, the diplomat he assigned, is adequately ruthless, but - not adequately strategic. Altarrin is going to have to do a lot of steering here.